... on the way to outrageous success and wealth and power. Those goals withered on the vine and replaced. I am currently in the middle monumental life change. A paradigm shift. My daily routine I have know for a decade is obsolete. My rut gone. Uncomfortable. Lost. No direction.
God has doggedly pursued me for a few years… not to save me, not to chastise me, but to get me to realize my talent… to give up my current ambition or my career. To simply stop right now. Immediately. I am puzzled because I have never pursued a normal career. In fact, I don’t consider what I do as a career. what I have done is invest a great deal of resources to develop a specific skill. I have worked long to refine that skill. Clients now pay me to perform that skill. I was in bliss because I was fortunate to earn money doing what I loved. I couldn't wait for Monday morning. Despite all of my effort and dedication I lived in the middle of the curve.
For almost a year I knew, deep down where only God visits, I would never achieve my goals. But, regardless of the evidence before me, all of the unanswered prayers, the obstacles, the emotional pain, the failures... I buckled down, dedicated more time, studied, extended my hours, and plowed along carving my path. I thought if I included God in my ambition, worked hard, and didn't give up He would see to my success. God was my lottery ticket. I finally conceded my desire and motivation may not honor God. The time and money and resources I invested may not be what God wants. I sacrificed, therefore I promise my family sacrificed. My children were ignored at times. I read voraciously. Studied continuously. Both good and worthy.
I finally listened and now leave with memories of fifteen hour days and experience. The skill I developed and refined... I managed investment portfolios and retirement accounts. I was once a fully licensed Financial Advisor and soon learned life insurance products, annuities, 529 plans, mutual funds, and other financial minutia did not excite me. I focused solely stocks and bonds and eventually just stocks.
I believe now, as I did then, people need sound, honest, godly investment advice free from any conflicts of interest, such as kickbacks or 12b1 fees. God spoke to me through His Word. My wife, especially my wife. Failure. TV. Books. My children. And other professional traders and investors. However, the biggest influence on my decision I should move on was mediocrity. The one outcome I can’t stomach is mediocrity. It's just enough success to keep you engaged in the game and yet no real success is ever sustained.
The one avenue, the one method God spoke to me, not listed above is prayer. Oh, I prayed. I prayed for others. I prayed for wisdom. I prayed to be a great manager, a great trader, a great investor so... wait... hold on... so He, God could financially bless my clients… and of course me. I prayed hard and long. Those prayers were packed full of goodness with a chewy caramel center. I listened in every area except... How God wanted to financially support my family... His family? His children.
God has doggedly pursued me for a few years… not to save me, not to chastise me, but to get me to realize my talent… to give up my current ambition or my career. To simply stop right now. Immediately. I am puzzled because I have never pursued a normal career. In fact, I don’t consider what I do as a career. what I have done is invest a great deal of resources to develop a specific skill. I have worked long to refine that skill. Clients now pay me to perform that skill. I was in bliss because I was fortunate to earn money doing what I loved. I couldn't wait for Monday morning. Despite all of my effort and dedication I lived in the middle of the curve.
For almost a year I knew, deep down where only God visits, I would never achieve my goals. But, regardless of the evidence before me, all of the unanswered prayers, the obstacles, the emotional pain, the failures... I buckled down, dedicated more time, studied, extended my hours, and plowed along carving my path. I thought if I included God in my ambition, worked hard, and didn't give up He would see to my success. God was my lottery ticket. I finally conceded my desire and motivation may not honor God. The time and money and resources I invested may not be what God wants. I sacrificed, therefore I promise my family sacrificed. My children were ignored at times. I read voraciously. Studied continuously. Both good and worthy.
I finally listened and now leave with memories of fifteen hour days and experience. The skill I developed and refined... I managed investment portfolios and retirement accounts. I was once a fully licensed Financial Advisor and soon learned life insurance products, annuities, 529 plans, mutual funds, and other financial minutia did not excite me. I focused solely stocks and bonds and eventually just stocks.
I believe now, as I did then, people need sound, honest, godly investment advice free from any conflicts of interest, such as kickbacks or 12b1 fees. God spoke to me through His Word. My wife, especially my wife. Failure. TV. Books. My children. And other professional traders and investors. However, the biggest influence on my decision I should move on was mediocrity. The one outcome I can’t stomach is mediocrity. It's just enough success to keep you engaged in the game and yet no real success is ever sustained.
The one avenue, the one method God spoke to me, not listed above is prayer. Oh, I prayed. I prayed for others. I prayed for wisdom. I prayed to be a great manager, a great trader, a great investor so... wait... hold on... so He, God could financially bless my clients… and of course me. I prayed hard and long. Those prayers were packed full of goodness with a chewy caramel center. I listened in every area except... How God wanted to financially support my family... His family? His children.
That makes me as a hypocrite. That makes me a liar, even if I only lied to myself. That makes me a person who held and worshiped idols. It also left me in need of a Savior. In need of a God who doggedly pursued me until I stopped forging my own way and slowed down. Now removed, now less worried, I see my path would have destroyed my life. God or mammon? God or mammon? I disguised mammon, redefined mammon, and confused mammon as good and worthy and godly. Oh how dark life gets when what I think is light is darkness.
It’s impossible, yes impossible, to listen to God if you are too busy doing or too busy talking. I was both. The nudge started years ago with:
- That movie was really close to being a great message about Christ but...
- That song is really close to sending a great message about what Jesus could do, but…
- Stand By Me, good movie but not appropriate for an adolescent boy.
My talent, as best I can hear God, is being creative, more specifically writing. I am not an artist. I have no musical talent whatsoever. I write for Christ. My first attempt was this blog. It is however, uncomfortable because it’s vulnerable… uncomfortable to leave the old way and move forward to the unknown… vulnerable sharing thoughts and opinions and dreams.
I have previously posted Jay Bakker's question. I now have my answer to... “Why do I get out of bed and why should anyone care?” I got out of bed to serve mammon. Not many people cared. That is the real paradigm shift in my story.
Have a good and godly day.
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